tube

Titus' catheter is coming out tomorrow morning. Bright and early. We have to be up at the children's hospital by 8am.  At long last! These 3 weeks have crept by quite slowly.

Brian and I took a shelter care foster placement for a week. Was only meant to be 2 days. The poor little guy accidentally took a full dose of a very powerful narcotic. His parents are homeless and drug addicted. This kid had been in care before. He was easily the most challenging kid we have had to date. Once it became apparent that there would be no relative placement, I had his caseworker move him to a long term foster situation. He had behavioral issues that I just could not deal with. He threatened the baby with violence.

Brian would like to take a break from foster parenting. To regroup and consider only moving towards adoption if we go that route again. In that case I will be free to work, and we are running out of the savings that we had from the last tax return and money gifts from his family. I saw the adoptive mother of the 3 girls that we fostered for nearly a year. Well, I see her and the girls a lot. She was wondering if maybe I would like to be a full time nanny for the girl's biological sibling. This baby is almost 2 months old. The position would start in January. 5 year old M should be reunited with his father by November at the latest. It could work out, it would save me from having to go back to work and find care for Titus.    This lady does not trust her children with just anyone. She would feel better if the baby was with somebody who loves those kids fiercely like I do. I would watch the older girls in the event of a sick day or a teacher inservice. We plan to hash out the details in the next month or so. Maybe write up a contract. I would turn the foster child bedroom into baby central. I do have the double stroller to get them out, even in the winter. I like the idea. I love the idea of being able to see the 3 older siblings much more often.

Titus is pulling himself up on ALL the furniture. Nothing is safe. Watch your water glass! We finally lowered the crib. He is just starting to cruise.

5 year old M continues to get comfortable and thrive. I really really want for him to do well when he goes to live with his Dad. I think the dad is manipulative and not telling the whole truth about his health. I want to be wrong about it though. 

Titus had surgery to correct the birth defect of his urethra/ penis on the 2nd of August. The operation took 3 hours. They extended his urethra from the base of his shaft up to the tip where it belongs. They used his foreskin to accomplish this. They did some cosmetic stuff to his penis, unbending it and cutting the skin where it had been sort of tethered to the scrotum.

The end result was a gruesome mess, just like I expected. They did show me lots of post op pictures to try to prepare me. We took the bandage off on the second day after the surgery. he has a catheter stitched into his penis which is needed for the formation of the new portion of the urethra. He will have it in for a total of 3 weeks. During which time he is prone to infection. In fact this particular procedure has the highest rate of infection and complication of most any reconstructive surgery. He wears 2 diapers. One in his regular tiny size 2 to catch the poop. The second one we thread the end of the catheter into and it catches the pee. When he poops it gets all over his surgical site and catheter which freaks me out. He has to take an antibiotic to prevent infection but it gives his loose stools which in turn gets into places where it could easily cause an infection!

Titus has been getting 4 different medications daily. We give them with an oral syringe. He has come to HATE this and hold a grudge against us for doing it. I would say he fights tooth and nail but he does not have much in the way of teeth. We thought he had a little toofer coming in towards the back but it seems that it was a trick of the camera flash. Anyhow we don't know if it was his aversion to having things forced into his mouth,a heat wave, pain, decreased appetite from the meds, but something made him refuse nearly all fluids for 3 days. This landed him in the ER monday night. They came close to admitting him but really did not want to because of the risk of hospital based infections. They just kept offering juice and formula and he kept refusing. They gave him until late Tuesday morning when they planned to admit him and start an IV. Lucky for us he decided to drink 7 oz of his formula and we got to go home.

I was awake for 30 hours and exhausted by the time we got home yesterday. Titus and I both slept for 5 hours while Brian worked from home and looked after 5 year old M. Titus took 18 oz of formula yesterday and 2 jars of pureed fruit. Not the greatest but it was better.

here he is shortly after waking up from anesthesia

and here he is towards the end of our ER stay yesterday

Baby Ellie left on a Thursday and 5 year old M arrived early the next day. Brian and I had barely recovered from a nasty stomach virus, and were moving pretty slow that weekend. Last week was our first full week on a normal schedule with M. He has a lot of parental visits as they are well into the reunification phase with his Dad. He spends 8 hours a day, 2 days per week with his father and 2 hours a week with his Mom.

M is settling in nicely. We do miss Ellie, but I feel reasonably OK about the move considering where she went. I know she will be loved and have a good life with her siblings. One nice part about having a  well behaved 5 year old in the house is that I have more time for Titus. I do not have to worry whether or not his needs are getting met. They are and then some. Titus thinks the sun rises and sets on M. He grins from ear to ear whenever he sees him. Titus follows the kid around, combat crawling and squealing with joy. M plays nicely with Titus and talks to him. At the same time I know that Titus has to be good for M. All that adoration and unconditional love. Learning to protect and nurture a bit. It warms your heart to see the interaction.

Tomorrow is Titus' hypospadias repair. The surgery will take about 2 hours. Of course we will be there most of the day between checking in and recovery. Waiting for a call from the hospital to see when we have to be there. He had a pre op appointment last week. His pediatric urologist took the time to show me lots of pictures of what these things look like post op. A horror show. Just gruesome. At least I know what to expect. He will have a catheter for at least a week if not longer.  My mother is taking a few days off to help out with M. Titus will be on narcotic pain medication, anti spasmotics for his bladder (because of the catheter) and antibiotics to prevent infection. There is a fairly high rate of complications such as fistulas with this procedure. All we can do is hope for the best outcome.  

shift

We had a visit from Ellie's social worker on Friday. I don't know what changed, but all of a sudden it looks like they will be able to certify the sibling family for foster care. Her caseworker says she has no idea how long this will take, an that there is some inter agency bickering as to who has to do this "special certification". Special because they will need to make an exception to their rule against having 3 under 3. This family has already completed a DHS homestudy and the classes required for certification.

This is probably the best thing for Ellie. To move now instead of later. Still stings a little though. I will miss this fat, red headed, smiley, mama's baby. She prefers my company and I think its so sweet. Titus likes mom and dad equally.

I had a long chat with the adoptive Mom last night. She seems like a nice lady.  Her family is coming over for lunch on Sunday. We will get to meet Ellie's 2 year old brother (they are still waiting for the sister to arrive from out of state). They will get to meet their daughter. Wow! Birth mom is talking about relinquishment. I wish them speed and ease in this adoption.

My certifier phoned shortly after the caseworker left. She said she had sort of been stalking Ellie's situation because she very much wants to move a 5 year old boy into our home. He is currently in a foster home where he is not doing well. They are not meeting his needs. He has regressed there and really needs some developmental assessments and speech therapy. I don't have many details yet. After reading all the notes it is our certifier's opinion that Ellie's move should happen quickly, within a week. They need to place this little guy in 10-14 days. I am hoping to speak to his caseworker Monday morning to get a better idea of how appropriate a match this is. I trust our certifier to stick to our rules and preferences when making a placement suggestion, but I am also so curious to know more. He can't be here if he is at all violent or sexually reactive. He will be starting Kindergarten this fall. Really, a child this age is a more appropriate foster kiddo for our home right now. Portland has all day Kindergarten so Titus and I would walk him to the school bus stop in the morning and then have all day to play, clean house, go to the library before we pick him up in the afternoon. Yes, a 5 year old is more appropriate but I will miss the dream of the sweet little baby.

This blog is supposed to be about Titus but I just seem to write about foster parenting lately. Titus is just,, fine. Super duper. He is so healthy and charming, and I STILL can't believe that he belongs to us.  He is perfecting the combat crawl. Still not sitting up unassisted much, but I have been told not to worry about that until he is 9 months old. He was 8 months on the 4th. He eats about 5 oz of baby food per sitting. He gets into things. Very fond of electronics, just like his daddy. Toys. I swear they multiply when you are not looking. We have a very small house and I always said it was going to be about quality rather than quantity when it came to toys. I think I will nip it in the bud and sent a box of toys along with Ellie when she moves. Titus likes to dance. He blows raspberries and screams MAMA if he wants me in the night. Part of me is sure it's just babble but another part is sort of unnerved. Is my 8 month old really calling out for me? It sure gets me moving fast when I hear it.

So there has been this sudden shift in direction at our house. From focus on Titus and Ellie to wondering about this new child. I don't know what to call him here. Perhaps there will be a nickname after we meet him. It sounds as if he has some of the same sorts of developmental delays that our last set of foster children had. I know how to help him.

Ugh, my youngest hobo travelin brother just called. been on the streets, getting ready to hop a train. they want to shower and wash their clothes. they are 20 years old and choose to live like that. better get some take out. might have to spray for bugs after they leave. serious.

Brian ordered us the  Britax B ready stroller  which converts to a double.  This means in 2 days I will be mobile with both babies! It has been fairly isolating being stuck at home. Now I can get out for walks in the morning this summer which solves my no exercise problem. We picked this stroller because it easily accommodates our Britax B safe infant car seat which we will put Ellie in. Titus will sit in the seat that the stroller comes with. When Ellie gets bigger we can splash out for the second seat.

My Dad and his wife gave us 3 hours notice before arriving for the duration of Father's day. It was fine, I'm just not really used to that. They had to drive 100 miles to get here. I moved to Portland in 1993 and never saw them outside of their home until I married Brian in 2004. I used to make all the effort. They got real friendly after I was married. I joked that it was in anticipation of grandchildren but now I know that was no joke.  As usual, my step mom brought a bunch of stuff for Titus. I had already told her no "vintage" plastic toys. our house is just under 1000 square feet and we have ZERO space for piles of plastic toys from 1992. She brought them anyway. Last time it was a giant box filled with smelly and ancient baby shoes. Out gassing plastic of unknown origin. This time 3 bins full of musty and out dated baby clothes. She did give us some nice things in the smaller sizes but I had to go through piles and piles of her hoard before I found the good stuff.  I have no garage or basement to put this stuff in. She expects to get it back. I dont even know where I can put it until she can come for it next month.  My own mother isnt much better. She means well but brings bags of clothes from the goodwill as is bins. They Stink! Im all for second hand but I dont want it to be so smelly that you cant get the stink out with 2 hot washes. I dont have the time to deal with this stuff. Think its time to put my foot down and say thanks but no thanks. There is so much crap in my living room and kitchen that it will take hours to sort today. I do want to cry. Here, have a load of garbage and be thankful for it. You would think they grew up during the depression, instead of the booming 1950's and 60's. My mom is from a regular middle class family and step mom was quite well to do as a child.

I did buy what they call a Lot of clothing for Ellie over the weekend. Most everything she will need from now until 18 months with the exception of coats, underthings and shoes. It was all gotten new by a lady who's  daughter has outgrown it and she gave me a fabulous deal. Not stinky or funky in the least. As soon as I get all the sh*t out of Ellie's room she can actually inhabit it with her things. That is the room that contains most of the previous overflow of stuff from my Mom's. For now Ellie sleeps in a rock and play sleeper in the living room. She seems to like it but the sooner we can get her into a crib, the better Titus slept in a bassinet in our room for the first 5.5 months of his life. When I moved him out I slept so much better. I admit that I often bring him to my bed in the early morning hours for a snooze and a snuggle. It is a good way to get him to sleep an extra hour or two and I love ( adore) sleeping next to him. During my years of infertility I longed for a warm snuggly baby body to cuddle up with. I wouldnt let him in our bed overnight because he is still prone to suffocation at his age. He sleeps in his crib, in a sleep sack, with a fitted sheet on the mattress and nothing else. Ellie will do the same in her crib.

Im starting to see why Ellie bombed the social portion of her developmental screen. Her eyes hardly track. Titus would follow anything with his eyes at her age. She is usually clamoring for milk, drinking milk, crying or sleeping. Not so much of that quiet alert time gazing at me like Titus did. I hope she will catch up in the coming weeks. Pleased that they are coming out to make sure she is developing normally.

Wow, this has turned into a real bitch session. I am cranky. My step mom told me yesterday that no matter how long Ellie is with us, they will try to get her adopted by family when it comes down to it. That means looking for 2nd cousins out of state. Divorced uncles. Of course responsible family cant always be found. Even a few years ago foster parents could claim psychological parenthood after a year or so. The law has changed. I suppose I feel a bit defeated, like no matter what I do for her it wont be good enough. This is probably exhaustion speaking to some extent.

I promise hes not pooping. Just growling!

I purchased a professional picture package, it's just a matter of when I will ever find time to take the babies.

How I wish I could share a picture of Ellie. Her growth continues to flabbergast me.

not much time to post at the moment but thought I would share a few things quickly

• got final confirmation that the reason they cant place ellie with her siblings is the rule against having 3 under 3 in the same home, sometimes they can make an exception, not in this case.  This makes me pretty sure that failing return to parent, they will place the baby with the sibling family shortly after her older brother turns 3. Next May. This is just my very best guess. Like Faith said, she is not a suitcase and I worry how this will damage her. I will be the only mommy she knows this year. If Titus went to live elsewhere he would be so heartbroken. Already. I really wish they could just give that family some extra help instead of letting her bond with us then uprooting her.
• My brother came round with some gas powered lawn tools and really got our yard whipped into shape. We need all the help we can get.
• I turn into a raving bitch when I am this sleep deprived. My poor husband.
• I got an invite to shop at a non profit charity shop just for foster parents. This was from a kind woman in a neighboring county. She has clothing for Ellie and a dresser. Maybe even a double stroller which we can't live without for too much longer. She also said I may select items for Titus :) All free of charge.
• I desperately need exercise but don't know how I am going to get any. Too tired in the evenings to leave the house. I do have an eliptical exercise thing that I am going to have to bust out of storage. I feel like such a huge, fat, slug.
• Plans to make batches of baby food this weekend.
• Still trying to get my head right about this foster placement. Accepting that its likely we wont be able to adopt her, but making room in my plans, heart, and head in case we cann.
• Loving these babies 

Staying

Court was interesting today. No private adoption will take place, as Dad is still out of the state.

Plan is return to parent, as it has to be for DHS to establish how mentally ill Mom really is and build a case for her not being fit to parents. This will probably take a year. Caseworker said that Ellie will be here a long time and confirmed that she is not being allowed to place her with the siblings. No word on future plans as far as the sibs go. Perhaps they will clear that family for 3 under 3 eventually. My step mom who works for the agency says that she suspects that there is something about that family that I dont know yet. A reason for them not to have made an exception and placed Ellie there anyhow. Should be interesting to see how that plays out.  I feel comfortable buying her a new car seat ( she has been using Titus') and fixing up the foster nursery all girly. His room needs a bit of attention too. He has no closet so he needs a wardrobe. She has a closet but could use a chest of drawers. Both need a book case and a toy chest. In the market for a used double stroller but not the god awful graco one that I got for the twins. We still have it but it is a beast. Hurts my back to push it. The newer models are probably less bulky.

I have a short video of Titus growling which I will try to post in the next day or so.

I am trying to line up some helpers so that I only have to be alone all day with both kiddies one day a week,, until this trying newborn phase is over. Once I can sleep a solid 6 hours a night things will get SO much easier. Im used to taking care of lots of kids at once. The twins and the girls primed me for that. I also used to nanny for little ones very close in age.

Quite possible that I will have a 13 month old and a 7 month old in my home come Christmas.  I wonder how mobile they will be?