We had a letdown during our first face to face meeting with Ellie's caseworker on Tuesday. Because the placement worker had one little bit of incorrect information, which made all the difference as far as our chances of adopting . Basically, the family that adopted the sibling who lives locally DOES want this baby. Very much so, They are not certified foster or adopt with the state though. My Mom said because they are considered family they could have done a provisional certification within 24 hours. They didnt do that so we assume they are doing it the long way which can take months. For those that dont know, my mom is a DHS caseworker in another county.
We are now back down to earth. The fall hurt. We do want Ellie to be with her sibling, so this is bitter sweet. I had an outpouring of support from some women in my November due date online buddy group. Some of them were kind enough to mail packages of clothing for Ellie, and now I feel a little bad because she will be leaving before she is able to make use of all of those things. The fact is that she needs them though. You dont sent a foster child to their new home without a full wardrobe. At least I never have! The child and protective services machine is such a slow moving thing at times, its really impossible to say how long we will have her. They wait for court dates, supervisor approval, bank holidays etc. The children suffer for that in the end. This was made clear to us with our last placement. 2 years of being in care and they are still not available for adoption. Still waiting on parental rights to be terminated even though those parents demonstrated over and over and over again that they are not capable or willing to properly care for those girls. Even though the policy is permanency plan within a year. Sigh. I do hope they move things fairly quickly for Ellie. She deserves to be in her forever home already. With a mother to gaze into her eyes while feeding, and stroke her and love her and never leave.
The jaded part of me thinks that we will have Ellie in our home just until she starts sleeping through the night. Just until she smiles a lot and becomes a little more charming and engaging. This has picked open my infertility scab a little. I didnt know that would be SO very easy to do after having Titus. The feelings are still raw, still painful. I resent being so unsure how we are going to complete our family. Foster/ adoption is painfully hard. Birthing another baby might be impossible. Most people wouldnt have to worry about it quite yet, but Ive a gut feeling that any fertility I had is screeching to a halt. Time is running out and I dont have another 5 years to try for a second child. I just want my family complete, which it very well might be already. It might have to be, but thats not the way I want it.
Throwing another wrench into the sibling works, I have figured out that there is something very wrong with my belly. It never went anywhere close to a normal size after giving birth. I thought it was lax stomach muscles and belly fat. Now I am pretty sure that I have diastasis recti and or some sort of abdominal hernia. I walk around looking 6 months pregnant, I couldnt suck it in if my life depended n it. That whole area just has an odd look to it. Very unpleasant to look at. There is some amount of pain. I have wondered why my abdomen remains tender to this day. Underwear and pants can irritate that area. I thought it was nerve damage from the C section. I will make an appointment with my OB first. My guess is that they will tell me to lose some weight and do physical therapy then see where we are at. Insurance likely wouldnt correct a hernia. Its considered cosmetic. I would have to pay the thousands of dollars out of pocket.
Titus is doing well. He sees his pedi on Thursday for the 6 month well child appointment and immunization shots At 13.5 lbs I think he will no longer even show up on the growth charts. I cant care though because he is obviously so healthy. Chunky legs! little belly! He is going through a frustrating phase. He wants to do so much more than he is capable of physically, which results in a lot of screaming and boredom. He wants to be all over the house getting into things. I hope his motor skills soon start catching up with his mind. Today he learned how to push air through his lips and seems so proud. Busts out laughing if you do it back to him. He has figured out the I drop it and you pick it up game. Another favorite game is "mummy eats my hands". He thinks that one is hilarious. The boy is very ticklish. He is on 2 meals a day now soon to be 3. He had butternut squash 2 times today, in addition to trying baby oatmeal and peaches.
Time for a little snooze before either baby wants my attention.
We are now back down to earth. The fall hurt. We do want Ellie to be with her sibling, so this is bitter sweet. I had an outpouring of support from some women in my November due date online buddy group. Some of them were kind enough to mail packages of clothing for Ellie, and now I feel a little bad because she will be leaving before she is able to make use of all of those things. The fact is that she needs them though. You dont sent a foster child to their new home without a full wardrobe. At least I never have! The child and protective services machine is such a slow moving thing at times, its really impossible to say how long we will have her. They wait for court dates, supervisor approval, bank holidays etc. The children suffer for that in the end. This was made clear to us with our last placement. 2 years of being in care and they are still not available for adoption. Still waiting on parental rights to be terminated even though those parents demonstrated over and over and over again that they are not capable or willing to properly care for those girls. Even though the policy is permanency plan within a year. Sigh. I do hope they move things fairly quickly for Ellie. She deserves to be in her forever home already. With a mother to gaze into her eyes while feeding, and stroke her and love her and never leave.
The jaded part of me thinks that we will have Ellie in our home just until she starts sleeping through the night. Just until she smiles a lot and becomes a little more charming and engaging. This has picked open my infertility scab a little. I didnt know that would be SO very easy to do after having Titus. The feelings are still raw, still painful. I resent being so unsure how we are going to complete our family. Foster/ adoption is painfully hard. Birthing another baby might be impossible. Most people wouldnt have to worry about it quite yet, but Ive a gut feeling that any fertility I had is screeching to a halt. Time is running out and I dont have another 5 years to try for a second child. I just want my family complete, which it very well might be already. It might have to be, but thats not the way I want it.
Throwing another wrench into the sibling works, I have figured out that there is something very wrong with my belly. It never went anywhere close to a normal size after giving birth. I thought it was lax stomach muscles and belly fat. Now I am pretty sure that I have diastasis recti and or some sort of abdominal hernia. I walk around looking 6 months pregnant, I couldnt suck it in if my life depended n it. That whole area just has an odd look to it. Very unpleasant to look at. There is some amount of pain. I have wondered why my abdomen remains tender to this day. Underwear and pants can irritate that area. I thought it was nerve damage from the C section. I will make an appointment with my OB first. My guess is that they will tell me to lose some weight and do physical therapy then see where we are at. Insurance likely wouldnt correct a hernia. Its considered cosmetic. I would have to pay the thousands of dollars out of pocket.
Titus is doing well. He sees his pedi on Thursday for the 6 month well child appointment and immunization shots At 13.5 lbs I think he will no longer even show up on the growth charts. I cant care though because he is obviously so healthy. Chunky legs! little belly! He is going through a frustrating phase. He wants to do so much more than he is capable of physically, which results in a lot of screaming and boredom. He wants to be all over the house getting into things. I hope his motor skills soon start catching up with his mind. Today he learned how to push air through his lips and seems so proud. Busts out laughing if you do it back to him. He has figured out the I drop it and you pick it up game. Another favorite game is "mummy eats my hands". He thinks that one is hilarious. The boy is very ticklish. He is on 2 meals a day now soon to be 3. He had butternut squash 2 times today, in addition to trying baby oatmeal and peaches.
Time for a little snooze before either baby wants my attention.
Oh, I hate to hear this. We are seeing this crap in our system here in AZ too. i am on a Baby Court Team with the judge - we offer her training and feedback so she can make better decisions. STILL these parents get chance after chance while the children pay the price. It is devastating. I pray they make a decision for this baby girl SOON - before she becomes attached to you (which happens between the ages of 7-10 months). Does she have a therapist or clinical person observing her, providing services, advocating for her? I sure hope so.
ReplyDeleteAnd so sorry about your belly - sounds awful!
Hang in there, hun - if I learned anything with my family it is that things just happen the way they are meant to. It's really annoying not knowing how or why, but in the end, we don't ever have any control anyway. Planning is futile!
Now both of my babies are crying for me, so I am off:).